What happened to May?

No, not Aunt May… no one can track the trainwreck that is Peter Parker’s life (except maybe C-A-I-N-I-M AKA Cranium).  Juan is referring to the month of May, where life is super busy for some inexplicable reason.  Or perhaps several explicable reasons in no particular order (pick your favorite):

1. GTA IV - Juan has invested many, many hours in Liberty City and has not even finished the game yet.  Juan loves saying “Nico Bellic” out loud, every chance he gets.
2. Cinco de Juan - Much like its Irish counterpart, St. Petrick’s Day, Cinco de Juan is a day in which everyone gets to experience the joy of being Mexican (for a day).  Luckily Juan is both Irish and Mexican, so it’s like having three birthdays each year.
3. Accidental, Yet Systematic, Destruction of All Most Things Green - Juan bought the wrong Roundup, now half the back yard is dead, including parts not wanted dead.  Bah!
4. Dia de Juan 2008 - Much celebratin’ needed to be done because, well… Dia de Juan.
5. Emerald City Comicon - Juan bought many trades in black and white and got his Agents of Atlas HC signed and sketched on by Jeff Parker.  The girls got Bamber-ized (who, apparently, was very huggy) and everyone had a great time.  The ECCC was well worth postponing the Official 2008 Dia de Juan festivities a couple of weeks.  Bonus: We got another Thing George Should Be Blamed For (#54!) out of the deal, so we all win.
6. Rainbow Six Vegas 2:  Sometimes the terrorists win because Juan es muy estupido.  Two and a half campaigns and nightly Terrorist Hunts and we’re still going strong.  Juan has complained about a lack of knives and claymores though.  Juan also cannot remember the last time he had this much fun with a shooter or gotten as much play out of it as much as he has.  It may be Juan’s Game of the Year.
7. Dia de Juan (y Jenny):  The party was awesome… great times with great friends.  And cake was more than just an excuse to have a party.  Jenny finally got her heart’s desire.  Juan discovered he is a true Latin Sensation, at least according to his friends.
8. Blue Rodeo at the Triple Door:  Had a good time at the Blue Rodeo show at the Triple Door with KP.  The show was good… not exactly Juan’s cuppa, but they’re great musicians and put on a good show.  The venue is probably the best place Juan has ever had dinner and a show.  And the food was really and truly awesome.  Juan’s recommendation: 1000 Fists of Beef and Heavenly Transcendent Green Beans.
9. Dia de Jenny (pronounced “Yenny”) - The Sidekick had her dia, which consisted of dining at Marrakesh, eating with no utensils (which is more challenging than it sounds) and belly dancing.  Juan got powdered sugar on his feet.  Plus, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (AKA One Indy Too Many), which was largely perceived as “ok.”  Dear Mr. Lucas and Mr. Spielberg, Please: no more.
10. Work - Actually did some.  Surface Photos is starting to look like a real product.  Juan got a work laptop as well, so now he feels like a real boy.
11. Hockey - The Stanley Cup Playoffs are still underway.  The Sharks didn’t make it past round 2, much to Juan’s discontent.  Pittsburgh, the second Cup choice, is flailing before the mighty, mighty Red Wings.  Seriously, those guys look so dominant and efficient, we should be sending them to fight the war on terror once they finish off the Pens.  Prediction:  Red Wings vs. Al Qaeda- Wings win it in five games.

On blog, it doesn’t maybe seem like much, but May is insane.

That would be a good Spider-Man plot.

Stephen Colbert Interview

While I don’t usually watch the Colbert Report because of that whole “lack of TV watching” thing I do, he does give a compelling interview.

I’ll be back to posting more crappy updates on a consistent basis probably sometime this week.  No promises.  Sorry fan(s).

Quick Robin! Stand Around and Do Nothing!

Swamps are BAD!

Hockey:  Which team will show up tonight?  I cannot handle the ups and downs of this series, so I am going to the bar to drink and hopefully not think about hockey (much).  For some reason, my team does better when I don’t do anything to show my support of them… it’s a weird superstition. 

The Sharks have been up, then down, then up, then down in this series… I hope tonight they’re back up.  I’m trying to be optimistic. Really.  If the Sharks lose, Hinan will spend days, possibly even weeks (seriously… it takes him that long), trying to come up with a joke.  It’ll be brutal.  Mostly because my retort will take me mere seconds and will probably make Hinan cry.

If they win, I get to send Hinan The Picture That Makes Him Crazy and maybe some others of the Leafs, Canucks and Flames golfing.  Order in the universe will be maintained.

The last time I wrote a rant, Los Tiburones won a key game.  I’m not saying I’m magic, like Jesus, but I’ll try anything.

Notes for the Sharks:

• Skate like you mean it.
• Put big bodies in front of Kipper and fire away.  You guys are the biggest team in the league.  Use your size to your advantage.
• Give the puck to Marleau and Clowe and let everyone feed off their energy, effort and drive. 
• Hit everything. 
• Defense: Pick up your man in the defensive zone… stop standing around watching the puck carrier. 
• Scratch Michalek.
• Play 60 minutes.  Or more than that if it goes into OT.  It shouldn’t need to if you play 60.
• You lost momentum last game.  Go back in and get it back in the first five minutes.  Do something that gets the crowd jacked up early.

Of course, if they do win, I’ll have to deal with Portard AKA Mr. Casual Hockey Fan AKA “Oh, the Stars won last night?  How about that!”  But then I like Portard because at least the verbal sparring is on equal footing.

Oh, and the Sharks will have had advanced.  That would be awesome.

Bill Walsh 1931-2007

It’s a sad day for 49er fans everywhere. We’ll miss you, Bill. Thanks for making the game what it was and making us proud.

You’re Going Down, Esé

Good Cop, Baby Cop

Resistance is futile.

Chris Benoit 1967-2007

Rest in peace, Chris.